Meeting Our Edges
To expand and evolve as humans we need to lovingly get out of our comfort zones and meet our edges
Earth Sensory Perception is a subsection of Our Uncertain Future and represents a compilation of essays on animistic nature connections in the modern world.
NOTE: August’s Intuitive EcoWriting Workshop, Writing Your Edges, is Tuesday, August 27th 5-7 pm MT. Registration closes August 23rd. More info below.
Nature can be scary and there is a healthy amount of fear to be had of wild animals, lightening storms or avalanches. Knowledge, familiarity and preparedness are necessary when heading into the wilderness. However, in our modern world, having adapted so much to spending most of the time indoors, we have lost our innate intimacy with the natural world. This lack of relationship increases our anxiety around being in the wild, making the natural world feel scarier than it needs to be, and further disconnecting us.
If this sounds like you, no problem. Gaining familiarity with the natural world without anxiety-induced panic is as simple as gradually and compassionately meeting your edges.
The idea of meeting edges has multiple meanings in different contexts but in general it means to find the edge of your comfort zone and to be present with it fully, allowing the edge to shift perhaps and expand or if not, simply holding your edge lovingly.
NO PAIN, NO PAIN
In yoga asanas or poses, your edge is where you begin to feel a yummy stretch in your muscles. If you were to reach any farther, it might begin to feel like a strain, which we want to avoid. “No pain, no pain,” I tell my students to counter the macho-laden gym culture motto, “No pain, no gain.” This is our edge and using our breath, we can create spaciousness here, perhaps discovering that within a few deep exhales, we can move deeper into the pose, our edge gently shifting. We are listening to our bodies in the most pragmatic sense, pain versus painless. This is easy to hear if we are paying attention.
REPULSION
In forest therapy when I take people on guided forest walks, their edge may be regarding how comfortable they are in the forest. Perhaps they are unwilling to sit on the ground because they don’t want to get dirty. In this case, they may meet their edge by sitting on a pad or a rock. Perhaps they feel silly or uncomfortable with the idea of smelling a tree because it’s weird or talking to a tree because it’s too woo-woo. Their edge may be better served by simply sitting next to a tree in silence and being present. In time, with more walks or even further along in a singular walk, their familiarity or comfort might shift enough for them to explore a new edge. Perhaps by the time we gather for tea, they are happily covered in sap and engaged with a new arboreal friend.
In the case of meeting our edges on forest walks, we are also listening to our bodies, but in a different way. Engaging our sight, touch, smell, taste sound and our heart sense, we discover what we are comfortable with. Most of us know what repulses us and what we enjoy. Yet this isn’t as black and white as pain versus painless. The lines can blur when we begin to question why we feel this way or believe this idea. Why don’t we want to get dirty when we can easily wash it off? Why don’t we want to smell this tree when no one is judging us? Why don’t we want to talk to this tree; who told us it was weird hippy new-age witchy stuff? These edges may shift simply by spending time with the natural world and realizing what is really true for you.
EASE VS. UNEASY
Another example, more extreme perhaps, of meeting our edges occurs in wilderness guiding. Assisting inter-generational women with a diverse range of outdoor experiences in wilderness solos has really opened my eyes to the importance of meeting our edges. Meeting our edges is not only important to increase our familiarity with wild places, but also as a means of keeping our nervous system regulated, as well as avoiding harm.
Wilderness solos include camping overnight in the wilderness with minimal gear and without food for 1-4 nights often used as a rite of passage when transitioning into a new life phase or struggling with a difficult time or issue. If someone joins us who has never camped before, she may choose to stay close to base camp, ask for help setting up her gear, or bring food to eat. She must listen to her body as well. She must feel into where she begins to feel anxiousness or concerned but also push herself to step just beyond what is comfortable. Most people doing wilderness solos are already pushing their comfort levels. That’s why they do it, after all. Going out into the forest alone with or without food is a challenge for anyone, even the most experienced backpackers.
Your edge may be physical, having to do with fears around physical abilities or fears around what might go wrong out there. Your fears may be psychospiritual in which you worry about what aspects of yourself you might see that you don’t like and that you’ve avoided. Or you might be worried about being terribly bored or lonely. All these edges are equally valid and true.
SOFT EDGES
I’m a soft edges kind of person. My nervous system likes comfort, support, nurturing, and familiarity. I push myself to go on wilderness solos because I love to connect deeply with the natural world and to increase my ability to be with the wilderness more and more. I also love the healing and self-knowledge I gain from the experience. But I push myself kindly, lovingly and compassionately. Buddhist nun Pema Chödrön says in her book, The Wisdom of No Escape, “Life is a whole journey of meeting your edge again and again. That's where, if you're a person who wants to live, you start to ask yourself questions like, ‘Now, why am I so scared? What is it that I don't want to see? Why can't I go any further than this?’”
On wilderness solos, your edges require you to listen to your body, but it is not as clearcut as pain or no pain, repulsion or no repulsion. Instead, your edge is a delicate balance between being at ease and being uneasy. You must listen to the well-tuned alarm of your nervous system but question your irrational fears. Sonya Renee Taylor wrote in her book, The Body Is Not an Apology, “To be fear-facing is to learn the distinction between fear and danger. It is to look directly at the source of the fear and assess if we are truly in peril or if we are simply afraid of the unknown.”
I have seen women try to power through only to leave the experience with wracked nerves and no better off than they started. I have seen women put heavy expectations on themselves to complete their goal as if they are in a competition. And then when they chose to come back early for comfort because their edges expanded too far too quickly, they feel like failures and are hard on themselves. Some people quit, but others make some simple adjustments like moving closer, using a tent or nourishing with a hot meal before heading back out.
No one can judge or understand your edges but you, and it is important as a mature healthy adult to respect and honor your edges. Also, as an evolving and growing adult, it is important to meet your edges. Get out of your comfort zone occasionally and explore your edges, gently. Step away from routine and familiarity and explore what your edges are, be curious about them.
Nature is scary, but familiarity, knowledge and preparedness make it less so. Understanding what a healthy rational fear versus a programmed or irrational fear is can be learned through experience. Find people who have more wilderness knowledge than you do to show you the way. And you don’t need to sleep alone in the forest fasting from food. That’s not for everyone. Maybe you learn to hike alone or hug a tree or open your mind to new ideas and practices. Whatever you do, listen to your body and respect your edges compassionately.
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Fabulous! Glad you found it